otherwise

forays

Sunday, May 20, 2007

DRAFT

a nut
rattles its shell


how far will this get
before the hand shuts down?

tufts wane

laughingly rhymed


okay I'm drowned
in "the green drunk
slightly spring" dawn

and stop no bullet
or anti-immigrant
bumper sticker
ruins the fucking poem

4 Comments:

  • At May 21, 2007 at 8:02 AM, Blogger mark enslin said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     
  • At May 21, 2007 at 8:04 AM, Blogger mark enslin said…

    I wish the last line could hover like marginalia with uncertainty where it's pointing.

     
  • At May 22, 2007 at 1:47 AM, Blogger andy gricevich said…

    Thanks for the comments, Mark.
    In this one, do you mean that the last line would be set off from the previous one, so that the grammatical continuity was less strong? Or something else?

    Both these drafts are meant to have highly variable margins, but it's a pain to format it in Blogger...

     
  • At May 24, 2007 at 11:55 AM, Blogger mark enslin said…

    Yes, but set off where exactly, I don't know -- so there could be multiple potential grammatical continuities.

    I wonder, considering format pain, which I feel, what a mere line space or two would do.

     

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